Makes me wonder if youre happily married like I am, or just a bitter divorcee who clings to feminism and man-hating as a knee jerk reaction of having been wronged. It;s an even bigger dickish move, dare I say cuntish move to fucking LIE about being on the pill to get knocked up Or maybe shes just a fucking idiot and cant figure out how to follow the directions on a prescription bottle. Im a 29-year old mother of two children, and I was in a relationship for 4 years with a man (not the father of my kids), and he has a daughter from a previous relationship as well. I dont think I have ever seen so many thumbs up on one post And it deserves them! -Is furious with her for keeping her baby The sperm is genetically identical to the IVF doctors sperm, and it is the IVF doctor who impregnates the woman, even if he never has sex with her. I recommend you seek individual therapy and process your feelings. Im not saying its a trivial thing, but its nothing compared to birth. But to me, it sounds like youre misdirecting your anger. Im not so sure why he isnt allowed to be angry at her decision to keep the baby. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of . A LW comment would at least help me to believe its valid. There is an obvious reason why we are all pretty damn sure he didnt use a condom For starters, itd have been the big leading point of the letter He so doesnt know how this happened! Especially the children. According to pro-choice rhetoric, this man has NOTHING to do with the existence of the child. When a woman tells you that shes on the pill, whether its true or not, and you believe that means that you cannot impregnate her you are the idiot. Its not anyones fault, theres no one to blame. SweetsAndBeats I think its the first time I am hearing someone smear another person for NOT having an abortion. It is legal. It would have been way happier if its bottles didnt explode. The fact that you can find examples of a law being broken doesnt make the law just or valid. You clearly didnt comprehend what you were reading very well. My inclination would be to run away from this guy as fast as you can. And at 40 years of age, he should know how babies are made and if he didnt want kids, maybe he should have considered getting snipped? Abstinence is 100% effective, just saying. It is duplicated below. She and Jimmy were going to raise their children together. I dont think anyones saying that. Its not some windfall for women. reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): A And I think the LW is just as much of an ass or whatever other word you want to insert as the bf in question. It takes two to make a baby, and it doesnt seem like he was taking any precautions. So your boyfriend said he doesnt want anything to do with his own child (besides the child support) and you didnt run screaming the other way? Thanks for the clarification. My above reenactment was not a true depiction of the dialogue I believe took place. But I would not for one reason other than the fact that trusting him again would be difficult to do (and that would IMHO b. It is never the unborn childs fault. I wont go into the reasons they came to this, (very long, and quite personal, story), but its entirely possible that if a women gets pregnant and decides to keep the baby though the father would prefer she abort, he DOES have the option to waive his parental rights and duties to the child and thus not be legally responsible for child support. You know, I dont have much patience this morning, so I (somewhat) apologize if my reply reeks of snark. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. Iwannatalktosampson Fyrebyrd2 Interesting! Does that change your opinion? Im not sure. It is scummy though. Life isnt fair. Deadly, sure, but not highly infectious. but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. She asked what to do with this guy. Beyond that, no one really cares that he jumped in bed with another woman right after they broke up only to decide that he cant live without her after getting said woman pregnant. I do not think he has a duty to be there for the child he never wanted and made it known he did not want to have with time to do something about it. Pardon my French but if youre going to stick your dick into a stranger, you need to take birth control into your own hands and not rely on her word alone. Women why do we allow men to sleep with us while they are drunk again..my god.I wont say dont continue your relationship but it will be hard. Good times. That is how we got our first kid. April 9, 2012, 5:46 pm. Thanks for proving you and your ilk are out to entrap men to sustain your lifestyle by dropping as many babies as you can..and living on welfare checks honest people pay for..SLUT! And be aware that nothing short of not having sex is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy. The next day I text her that we can give it another chance, but she insisted she was not feeling the same . There is no child at conception very good. This woman might very well be lying. No, a responsible father who is involved in the childs life will get joint custody. The hand and fingers were all bright red and black-and-blue under the nails. I agree with you regarding being a part of the childs life but I dont agree with you on the money aspect. I have a feeling you are going to stay with this guy no matter what (since you would just diiiie without him). sorry, brain). female Not only was she on the pill, but he wore a condom! I love your snark this morning!! Risk reduction is not relevant, because the risk never goes to 0%. I am pro-choice, for both woman and for men. He wont be a deadbeat dad, as some have suggested. Because she does not have the right to waive support for the child. That support is not hers. To everyone. And hes 28. Um, I dont think anyone actually said that. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy. And hopefully people begin to realize that just taking the pill isnt an absolute gurantee that you wont make a baby. He wasnt in a relationship with the LW at that time, and had no expectation that they would get back together. You wouldnt need to administer it. Are you kidding? Deal with it, ladies. You add nothing to the conversation but name-calling. Nothing about that makes him a bad person. There is no way to know this. Anyone would be angry in this situation. So people got together, decided coke is in the best position to pay if its bottles explode and there you are. Thats certainly the type of person you want as your husband. Chuck(le) lets_be_honest Who are we talking about now? Or shes against abortion. This is not unlike telling women that they cannot have an abortion in that it forces parenthood when it neednt be forced. Furthermore, men should be held at least halfway responsible for the resulting pregnancy and child but should have no authority to decide upon his involvement, even though consensual sex involves both people equally. In order to build trust, the person must be trustworthy. First of all, it can take a bad psychological toll on someone who doesnt want to have it in the first place. Actually no. I also think hes kind of a jerk for having sex with someone he cant stand. John Rohan Hi. Since you obviously cant formulate a cogent argument on the merit of these laws in response to my questions (as it doesnt interest you), I wonder why you keep going out of your way to engage this conversation. Do something to not have one! And shame on you for agreeing that he is entitled to this opinion. Now, I highly doubt the LWs boyfriends baby mother to be is psychotic as my friends former hook up. Doesnt interest me. Remember awhile back there was the letter about the girl who had an abortion and was scared to tell her bf because he was anti-abortion. Doesnt have to be romantically involved with this woman, but he wants nothing to do with the child that he helped to create, or the woman he cant stand. She deserves to be treated as cheap and unwanted but he doesnt deserve to skate free. It would be one thing if he just lashed out in momentary anger/shock, but soon came around to a more sane discussion of options, etc. He should get a damn vasectomy. And yet men still keep having sex with us. Its very clear that you care a great deal about the quality of your childs life and emotional well-being. P.S. He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. Again, youre defending this guys right to have sex and that is absurd to me. Well said I was like, is this letter for real? the whole time I was reading it. Like being pregnant is easy. Because it doesnt work that way around here and everyone knows it. If he was the kinda guy that decided he wanted to be in his childs life every 5 years when it was convenient and made promises that he never kept and lost interest after a while, that would be seriously damaging to that childs sense of self-worth. I dont really know what the question was I just assumed it was should we stay together How can you not also be angry at your bf LW? my boyfriend & i have been together for over 2 years (2y 5m to be exact) & i found out i was pregnant about a month ago & at the time i must've been maybe about 2-3 weeks pregnant. That was his choice, but what hes done is made you feel sorry for him. Besides the fact that child support is rarely enough to actually support yourself and your child. I came back to re-read because I was worried my reply would be disjointed and confusing (I wrote it tired last night, with a fever), so Im glad that while its not going to win any literary award, it wasnt totally nonsensical! Im only speaking on speculation, of course, since I was not a part of the situation and only heard about from him. If its dude and hes a brain surgeon or something and shes a hot part-time bartender, his child support will be assessed at an amount that will put her in decent rent, a mercedes car payment and plenty left over for nice clothes and dining out, with an occasional weekend getaway thrown in the mix. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. We were back and forth and it was very frustrating for me so I gave him an ultimatum I told him that he either wanted to make it work and we move forward, or, that I was leaving to another city to start over without him. ColorsOfTheWind makes excellent points, and I agree; however, Id quibble with the phrase grown-up problems. But still. Furthermore, what adult man refuses to have a relationship wit a child he conceived. Who deserves to have the two people who were responsible for bringing it into the world both contributing to support it. Anyway, he ended the relationship with her and surprise, shes knocked up. April 9, 2012, 3:57 pm. You can have a spirited and logical debate, and still keep it interesting and above board. Against it? If this is the case then your friend is in the clear because he has no legal responsibility any more. April 9, 2012, 2:45 pm. So, he feels it is best to make things work with her for the sake of his baby. If youre going to call anyone a slut, Chuck (which you shouldnt, its really very rude) why not the dude who slept with someone he cant stand and got her pregnant? Were looking at this situation through the eyes of his ex whos pissed off that he knocked up this other woman but seems pretty bound and determined to get back with him. Her boyfriend has tripped over the third rail of reproductive rights, which is the question of mans obligations towards a woman who has become pregnant by deception.