Follow Will Be Wild wherever you get your podcasts, or you can listen early on Amazon Music or early and ad-free by subscribing to Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts or the Wondery app. And that becomes, do you have one of those strappy things, right. Go to my website, rowanmangan.com/bewildered. Well, Im thinking of Sunday snuggles. Yeah. Martha Beck: Im going to spend a ton of money to go on Martha Becks-. So this, oh, I have to start over. Daydream believer Homecoming queer. Is it two of you that start fighting and then someone else referees? And now theyve done a re-publication of Codependent No More and guess who they sent it to for a blurb? And so one of the other people who lived there asked me to come and do some writing work with her over a few months. I was talking to my other coaches going, oh my God, this poor woman. And youre like, I guess its polyamory, but it doesnt totally fit. Martha Beck: I would say quite a bit offended. But Ive been doing self-help thing, my whole career. And then Im just going to become friends with her and be part of her life. So its all about serving and helping others and making sure their lives are perfect. Yes. Rowan Mangan: Martha Beck: Unresolved: Release in which this issue/RFE will be addressed. Oh my God. 4. But now what they really discovered was that codependency is the way people typically act when theyre around an addict that they love. What do we do? How does it feel for you when you know youre exhausting yourself taking care of others? It is evolutionarily essential. What does a bad codependent do? There is this entitlement built into every piece of society and depending on where you happen to live or be born or be characterized, thats going to happen to you. And me, I too am on Instagram. I think if wed been living in a city or been Like we were 40 minutes from the nearest pint of milk at that point. And we would never do that. Thats a weird bit of language. Theres a complicated backstory to it. And I dont know if all non-binary people are amazing, but damn, these one does. I havent been successful at making everyone happy even though Ive spent myself trying to do it.. Transfer that to energy, attention, service to another person. A Nonsense Relationship Boys' Love High school teacher Han YoungJin has his heartbroken by his long time friend and unrequited love. Im from Ohio. Rowan Mangan: And shes drawing meaning out of it and she talks poet. Email us! Youre very right that that works only in situations where people dont feel entitled. And we talked about everything and the whole time we were sitting like mashed together on the couch going, this isnt weird. And here comes Bev. Okay, and Im doing my coachy stuff. How Martha felt after years of marriage to Karen when Karen told her she was in love with Rowan.3. And I just said, You know what kids? She holds three Harvard degrees in social science, and Oprah Winfrey has called her "one of the smartest women I know." Her newest book, The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self, was an instant New York Times Best Seller. Rowan Mangan: Like I know from watching my kids, I have two, a non-binary child and a daughter and theyve both found amazing partners. And I thought, you know what Im going to do? She just doesnt care. And guess who gets to do the things that she doesnt want to do and doesnt have to do, this guy. Right, and I dont want to talk about happenings. Rowan Mangan: Of love. Its just your way of love. And then the people down lower in the power structure expect to be treated badly, expect to have to do things for others with no particular reward. Is there something youve been feeling bewildered about? And I dont think theres a parent out there whos tried to be a good parent who hasnt felt this way, like put the baby first to the point where you are falling apart. Someones broken a cultural rule. And that is the work of a lot of marriages, like straight marriages where theres cisgender norms. But its like, is this optional? How could she not have? And so the whole getting interrogated and having to defend yourself and everything, she knew that wouldnt happen to her with her most intimate people. Human culture teaches us to come to consensus, but nature our own true nature helps us come to our senses. Rowan Mangan: And everybody has to do tons of psychological pre-work so that I know whom to sick the lions on. There was a show that had one gay character and they wouldnt show it in Utah. Row is currently pursuing publication for her first novel, a magical realist thriller set on the west coast of Ireland, which I didnt know and Im very excited for you Rowan. But Im recognizing more and more their entitled behaviour and how I have played into it in my guilt over not being their biological mom and having taken them from the country of their birth. Its not like the spider catches it and wraps it up, the fly comes over and says, Im more than happy for you to wrap me up and suck my life force. Right? If so, let us hear from you! You cant make them happy, you cant make them love you, you cant make them feel what you want them to feel or do what you want them to do. And I thought they were going to get together. Rowan Mangan: And you said Martha, because didnt you say this about Karen too. And then what happened was that Marty and Karen were living on a ranch in California and there were sort of two different residences on the ranch and there was a bit of a commune kind of vibe going on. This is the code, when its a newborn baby, Im still talking about newborn baby. Like, oh, I guess its fine. How would you be confused? I was lucky to be able to physically move out there. Every week she reconsiders a person or event that's been miscast in the public imagination. Shes fighting her way out. Rowan Mangan: We knew that we were solid. You might not know this, but ratings and reviews are like gold in the podcasting universe. Her website is, MarthaBeck.com. So either one, maybe one could be the subtitle, but. Martha Beck Author & Sociologist. Ooh. Okay, so you were feeling it was weird, but you were telling yourself it wasnt weird. They look like something that you shouldnt pick up if its going to be heavy. Coming out of that I think Ive come a long ways in recognizing my codependency and changing things in small ways. Global Nav Open Menu . Wow. So whenever somebody tells me now that their kids told them theyre non-binary, I just think of that kid as like, oh yeah, that kids really smart. Who can guess the major setting for the, "The cultural imperative to adhere to certain soci, I wrote myself some rules to help me get to the wa, "Do you find that you enjoy setting goals but have, New Substack newsletter this week. So early days in my lesbian acknowledgement and understanding, I found myself having to teach the rest of my people about homosexuality because I was the only gay person they had ever known. Weve never had a fight where all three of us have been fighting. [Intro Music] Welcome to Bewildered.
. So for Karen and me, because wed done all this and because, like we really were the ones who had all the advantages, like the solid couple and it was a weird situation for all of us. Because we were all flaming codependents. Its non judgment. Shes just wonderful. Our newsletter is free and we will never send spam or sell your email address. But I wont do it for you because you can do it for yourself.. And then we continue. Its the same with being gay. Martha Beck: During that whole time that we were sitting on the couch together, he got so happy. Martha Beck: Martha Beck: What is Polyamory - and how Martha, Rowan, and Karen make their relationship work. The way being gay was considered super weird when I was growing up in Provo, Utah, but we had this speech we made up. And the non-binary people that I know are amazing. And I think weve all been living like that for centuries. Yeah. Dynamic set of behaviors. Its like, its a family, its a family. And then we work and do things. You know that thing about like youre coming out as gay to your parents and then they have to think about you having sex. And thats why you were being codependent when you refused to give me a direct answer. We do have many listeners who are in polyamorous or who identify as polyamorous, which is another beautiful thing that I think you mentioned earlier, there are people who are circumstantially polyamorous like you. Like, so whenever anybody has a non-binary kid, we get the call first and theyre like, can you queer auntie them? About The Show Rowan Mangan: Hosted by Cristen Conger. Martha Beck: So she raised up on her hind legs as we walk into the room and hear this conversation and she goes, Well, I love Rowan and I love Marty. And thats true of race as well as gender. So I already was on the outside of culture. A huge lesson for couples based on the revolutionary ways they deal with conflict, jealousy, and daily rituals to stay close. So do you all experience jealousy and how do you navigate it? But its like youve got a pillow smashed against your face, first protest weakly, and then your survival skills will kick, your survival instincts. I feel like this whole hour has been this, but what have you learned through this way of love that you think would be helpful for people in different ways of love? Beck has had an extraordinary life. Comments? Cause really this is just all about authenticity. This ones ab, SPOTIFY AND THE BEWILDERED PODCAST Sign up below to receive information about the upcoming Wayfinder Master Coach Training. Through in-depth stories from a wide range of characters from people who tried to stop the attack to those who took part hosts Andrea Bernstein and Ilya Marritz explore the ongoing effort to bring autocracy to America, the lasting damage that effort is doing to our democracy, and the fate of our attempts to combat those anti-democratic forces.