The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. 40. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. 45. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. 3. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! We were a tough group. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. USMC: OHH! Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Caller: OK. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. The c.i.a. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. Nothing, she said. 15. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? I say again, stand down and divert your course. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Pizza de Resistance Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Its where we park the helicopters.. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. Decodes 7. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? You the eighth, the old Marine answered. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. 9. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. Soldier: No, SIR!. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. A Recruiter Misled You. Divert your course NOW! Ocean Pearl, I answered. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. They want their patients to see 20:20! Only one. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: We are directly under the moon.. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Anecdotes 2. Eat up! When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. Caller: Is Sgt. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. 1. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. USA: Choppers Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. Ive been sandblasted.. We have one or two in here! Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. Did it work? Me: Still the wrong number. Caller: Do you have his right number? Aviation JOKES. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. Good judgment comes from experience. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. 3. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. What would As A.J. Me: Hello? It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. Altitude is life insurance. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? Gary Toohard. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? They all originally set out to become Marines. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . Grandpapa Johns Pizza. Fish Food. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. [Answered]. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. 30. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. Marine: Wait, stop. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. Long Haul Then one day I couldnt find it. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Read more. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. 54. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! Theres a post recall and he went to work. 13:30 comes and goes. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. I just put them all together for your amusement. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane .