Please, please, please add your own good, CLEAN, Catholic jokes in the comments section. Related Topics. I am in apartment 301. The chief asked: Who is in the limo, the mayor?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-leader-2','ezslot_30',194,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-2-0'); The policeman told him: No, someone more important than the mayor., Then the chief asked Is it the governor?, The policeman answered: No, someone more important than the governor., The chief finally asked: Is it the President?, The policeman answered: No, someone even more important than the President., This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: Now who is more important than the President? After dinner, he goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. An elderly man walks into a confessional. I said, "Me too! Need a laugh? It's all gone! There are about 50 acres of rolling hills with a little cottage on the knoll. I swear it." Sign up for a new account in our community. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?" "But I made him agree to pay me 50 Marks for every week he stayed." Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. The Catholic Telegraph is the official newspaper of the Archdiocese of Cincinnati. Cop: Wayyyyyy more important than that. They are religious titles. oh these were good! I ran over and said, "Stop! I have seventeen wives. The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. "Me too! Priest: But you're not Catholic. Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips? The second old man said, "My son is a Bishop, when he walks into a room people say Your Eminence." It's easy! I knew I would find these at least slightly funny, but I found myself laughing out loud much more than I expected! At Sandra's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Man: I'm telling everyone. One boy, the oldest in his family, immediately answered, Thou shalt not kill., A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. The rabbi again asked, "And then?" I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. He said, "A Christian." 45 Funny Christian Jokes. 'It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Are you Catholic or are you Protestant?" David answers "I've got five beautiful wives. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief. Again he said "leave me alone, god will save me. When our minister and his wife visited our neighbor, her four-year-old daughter answered the door. 55. "Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says. How long have you had arthritis?, The drunk man answered, Oh I dont have it, Father. Once again he told the boat that god will save him. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. "I think I am pregnant." They found a magic lamp, and after some discussion decided to rub it. A Franciscan and Jesuit were debating which order was the greatest. My body is like a temple. Shocked, the nun says, "What did you just say?" The first three women give her a subtle well..? In case you didnt know, some saints were well-known for having a good sense of humor. "What is different about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?" A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one was looking. Let me go find out,' and he left. At least acne waits till a kid is 14 to come on his face. Others were so-so thanks for the good laugh though! However - Father John - that flashing neon sign that says - "TOOT and TELL or GO TO HELL" - has GOT TO GO!!! I'm telling everybody . One more and I'll have a golf course.". At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed. I am offended. "I'm very pleased to meet you. The Funniest Moron Jokes. An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. It must be something in the air." Another ten years goes by and the man goes into the abbots office and says Waters cold. St. Peter says no. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. Little Timmy says, "I can feel Jesus' presence during Mass." 14. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. "Was it the strict nuns, the rigour of class, the example of other students? The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Here are 10 Catholics jokes that are sure to give you a chuckle! "I'm telling everyone!" To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. ", An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one. Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should." When the priest preached, everyone fell asleep. That's blasphemy against our Lord." His son looks up and says "Papa when you left, the Mother Superior told me that they did not allow rowdy boys, then she took me to my room. St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth.". Catholic Humor - Pinterest. Score: 12. Are you Christian or Jewish?" Most people give up a vice they have, and the anticipation of the withdrawal really gets their creative juices flowing. Little Suzy declares, "I want to be a prostitute." A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. St. Peter says no. God Himself!?" The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 11 more children. Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband? The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?" The driver finally lets up. You see my neighbour worships exhaust pipes He's a Catholic converter. I lost everything when the power went out!". "Oh, all right, I can't really say no to the Pope." Order of Preachers. Love24. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". Matt Vander Vennet currently resides somewhere in central Illinois. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! Matt is a doctoral candidate studying Church History at the Catholic University of America, is currently writing his dissertation, and is the advancement director for a local Catholic high school. What do you call a pope who is addicted to cats?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_15',664,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are. Priest: Wait! This is what they received falling down from heaven: said the couple. "Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school." 167. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. They decided to confess their biggest flaw to each other. So she did! And Susie clarifies: "A prostitute. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The abbot asks, Is that it? Because they'll dessert you. Here are 10 Catholics jokes that are sure to give you a chuckle! "What is similar about the Jesuit and Dominican Orders? " "Oh, thank heavens," says the nun. Why?" Why can't Anglicans play chess? Eat your supper.' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "What a shameful disgrace, those Protestant reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!" ", Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church on which a large poster addresses non-Catholics: "Come to us, accept Catholicism, and you instantly get $30,000 in cash!" The priest said, "But that's not a sin! They both shook their heads and continued working. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak, and finally the drunk replies, No use knockin buddy theres no paper in this one either!. The minister says, "Life begins at 24 weeks gestation". The driver is understandably hesistant and says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that." "Yes, I'm afraid I'm the chip monk" Today's Video: Eight Hilarious Religious Jokes The Catholic Telegraph 2019-08-13. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate. 10. You can live in that castle with servants to wait on you hand and foot, and you can have everything you want." Without humor this would be a lot harder. As the boy goes into the booth he asks the priest, "What are you doing father?" Me: I do. The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, "I have four sons. 25 Jokes You Can Only Laugh At If You Went To Catholic School . It's FREE! Finally Jesus is up. "I've never been to Confession. Jesus: Remember that fishing club Ive started 2000 years ago? 'Great!' "Better than pork, isn't it?! "Well, yes" said the rabbi "A couple of times. Peter drops to his knees and aspirations of faith toward the Trinity. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Father, my dear old dog is dead. Finally desperate, the father goes to the Rabbi for advice and the Rabbi says put him in the Catholic school. I have ten sons. To which the Mormon replied, "You fellas ain't got a clue. He's done it again!". The local parish had a fairly new priest. God is watching." The cop walks up and asks the Pope to roll down the window. The nun asked if he had money in the bank. And - Father John - it was a really good idea to have the confessional open 24 hours a day - for those who work "shift" work. The nun teaching the class asks, "Where do you sense Jesus in your life?" "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" The man wreaks of stale beer and cigarette smoke, his tie is stained, his shirt filthy, his face plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin is sticking out of his torn coat pocket. Need a laugh? The crowd was shamed and one by one began to turn away. With your elbow, push button 301. by. But, unfortunately, I can't say Mass for the poor creature" "Met any Albigensians lately?" While walking away, the two friends become engaged in a debate about whether the offer is meant seriously. 114 Bible Jokes That'll Lift Your Spirits. Cop: No, no, much more important than that. "Eh, what are ya, protestant or catholic?" that was pretty bad. Funny things help us get through the humdrum of life. Source: Jimmy Carr. Next up is St. Peter. "So," the Higgs Boson begins, "if you don't allow me in here, how do you have mass? The priest turns to the rabbi and says, "Let's go over there and screw that boy!" Mar 14, 2021 - Explore Kitty Leaf's board "Catholic jokes" on Pinterest. when the rabbi asked "Could you ever be promoted withing your church?" There is a huge 200-room castle on one of the mountains, and a wishing well that makes wishes come true. "All right. Sincerely, The abbot asks . The priest, exasperated, cried "What else could I become? Matt holds an M.A. What do you call a Catholic toaster strudel? Continue with Recommended Cookies, if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-box-3','ezslot_4',170,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-box-3-0');Nun of these Catholic jokes and puns are duds that will make you cross! Would you please let me?" 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The bus driver looks and St. Peter and says "Well, now, don't think I'm not grateful, but why am I getting so much more than the priest?" Comfortable laughing at yourself and not taking life too seriously? Roman Catholic Cartoon 10 of 269 results 'Do you have any previous experience as a Pope?' Cartoonist: Huw Aaron. St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. Little Susie, being a good girl says, "I see Jesus when I pray." Facebook Twitter Pinterest WhatsApp. Hold on! Grandmother is baking strudel now." "I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. #GrowingUpCatholic . They got to a par three with a pond in front of the green. The first nun looks to heaven and says, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they're doing." The second nun looks up and says, "This one does!" Quarrel. Cookie Notice These are quite funny, thank you for sharing them. Another month passed. In Glasgow, there's a wee place. After looking the parish over - the senior priest said, "Father John - your idea of a drive through confessional is wonderful.